Everybody leaves.
Everybody leaves me.
It�s an indescribable feeling realizing your mother never truly loved you. Not like you loved her. She was the one you counted on for love. Everybody else left.
I made a choice today that I will no longer love my mother. I can�t. It�s killing me.
Only one person has ever truly loved me and now she can�t even remember my name. I want to run to her, I want to cry on her shoulder. Then I remind myself that she would only look at me blankly. I would give anything to hear her call out to me. The way she used to say my name echoes in my head every time I think of her.
I ache to run away but I have nowhere to run to.
I don�t like this Alli, this is not the real me. At least that�s what I keep telling myself. I swear I saw a glimpse of the real me in Mexico. She got to come out and play for just a little bit. Now I�m shoved back into this horrible house that�s slowly killing me. I don�t know how much longer I can last, I really don�t. The scariest thing is I don�t really see an end in sight.
At least that Alli is still alive. I lie to us both and say she�ll be able to come out soon. Soon things will get better and I wont have to be this way. I know it�s a lie but I don�t care.
I�m too stubborn to call out for help. I don�t even know if there is help anymore. I feel so vastly alone.
I refuse to love anybody anymore. I just can�t take it. They all leave. They all hurt me. They�re all trying to kill me. Everybody�s trying to kill me. The world is trying to kill me. Life is trying to kill me. I think it�s winning. Bastard.
Just one last grievance�Why the hell are there STILL power rangers? Don�t we have enough problems with our society!
Last I heard...still a war. Oy