Everybody leaves.
Everybody leaves me.
It’s an indescribable feeling realizing your mother never truly loved you. Not like you loved her. She was the one you counted on for love. Everybody else left.
I made a choice today that I will no longer love my mother. I can’t. It’s killing me.
Only one person has ever truly loved me and now she can’t even remember my name. I want to run to her, I want to cry on her shoulder. Then I remind myself that she would only look at me blankly. I would give anything to hear her call out to me. The way she used to say my name echoes in my head every time I think of her.
I ache to run away but I have nowhere to run to.
I don’t like this Alli, this is not the real me. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. I swear I saw a glimpse of the real me in Mexico. She got to come out and play for just a little bit. Now I’m shoved back into this horrible house that’s slowly killing me. I don’t know how much longer I can last, I really don’t. The scariest thing is I don’t really see an end in sight.
At least that Alli is still alive. I lie to us both and say she’ll be able to come out soon. Soon things will get better and I wont have to be this way. I know it’s a lie but I don’t care.
I’m too stubborn to call out for help. I don’t even know if there is help anymore. I feel so vastly alone.
I refuse to love anybody anymore. I just can’t take it. They all leave. They all hurt me. They’re all trying to kill me. Everybody’s trying to kill me. The world is trying to kill me. Life is trying to kill me. I think it’s winning. Bastard.
Just one last grievance…Why the hell are there STILL power rangers? Don’t we have enough problems with our society!
Last I heard...still a war. Oy